First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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