Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
