Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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