Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
