honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't deserve a penis
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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