He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
