I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
