I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
