you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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