so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
