life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
