Plan B is the new Plan A
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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