Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
