thus making me awesome and them whores
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
