Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
