Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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