is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
