Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
