i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
