Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
