Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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