he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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