Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
