Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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