are you still at the devil's house?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
