When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My balls are so social today.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
