Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
