haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
