come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
