Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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