too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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