too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
