We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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