That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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