We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
