Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
