Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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