how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
