Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
