I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
