Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
