Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
