I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
