you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
