Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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