I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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