You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
