dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
