Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
