Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
